Parenting After Separation: Embracing a New Normal That Fits
I was catching one of Darren Hardy’s Darren Daily videos — it’s this little weekly series where he drops quick but meaningful inspiration. On this particular day, he was answering a question that really hit home for me, and I think it’s something a lot of parents, especially those dealing with reunification or co-parenting, might relate to as well.
The question was basically: How do you handle it when you’re all about self-growth, but the people you love aren’t interested in changing? These aren’t people you can just ignore; they’re family, or very close friends. Hardy’s response was powerful: If you’re all-in on self-improvement, you’re the exception, not the norm. Most people are caught up in daily routines, focusing on work, paying bills, and making time for whatever joy they can. Deep personal growth? Not their priority — and that’s okay. We’re all on different journeys, after all.
This idea resonated with me deeply, and it led me to think about what we often expect from parents after a breakup. We hear all the time that co-parenting is the ideal — that we should be co-parenting no matter what, working in sync to raise happy, healthy kids. But reality often doesn’t look that way.
Co-Parenting: Not Always the Norm
Let’s get real: Just like not everyone’s into personal transformation, not every separated parent is up for true co-parenting. And that doesn’t mean anyone’s failing. Research tells us that around 25% of separated couples achieve a high level of collaborative co-parenting, while most others fall into “parallel parenting,” where each parent largely manages their own space (Institute for Family Studies, 2024). In fact, a large majority of parents in shared custody still experience significant emotional distance, and many find they’re healthier this way.
Co-parenting requires a certain level of communication and emotional maturity that isn’t always feasible, especially when hurt and resentment from a breakup are still raw. Some parents may never get to a place where they’re able to truly co-parent — and that’s perfectly normal. Healing takes time, and for some, true collaboration might feel impossible.
Creating Space to Heal
Many parents need time to grieve the loss of what they imagined their family would be. They need space to process those emotions and rebuild a new normal. This isn’t an overnight process, and it’s rarely smooth. Forcing co-parenting too soon — or ever — can create unnecessary stress. Not every family is going to look like the textbook example of “co-parenting bliss,” and that’s okay.
Other Paths: Finding What Works for Your Family
Not everyone needs to, or can, arrive at a perfect co-parenting arrangement. Research shows that children’s well-being in shared custody can be just as strong even when parents aren’t actively co-parenting together but simply dividing their responsibilities with minimal conflict (Institute for Family Studies, 2024). Some families thrive using parallel parenting, while others rely on extended family members or trusted caregivers for additional support.
If you’re in a place where co-parenting feels too overwhelming, know that you’re not alone. Your family can still be strong, healthy, and supportive without fitting into a rigid co-parenting mold. What matters most is that you’re honest with yourself and the other parent about what’s possible, and you work together to create a sustainable plan that meets everyone’s needs.
If you want to learn more about supporting your family through a reunification or shared parenting journey, visit my website: MSAYANA.com/parent-reunification. Let’s give ourselves grace in the process. Co-parenting may or may not be your reality, and either way, it’s okay. What matters is that you’re doing what’s best for your family.
